Louisa May Alcott had remarked in her journal that memories of her November 29th birthday were not always happy ones.
The gift of self-denial
There’s the famous story of birthday number 3, celebrated at her father’s Temple School where, in the end, she had to deny herself her own birthday treat and give it to a student because there were not enough. Her “gift” was praise and a kiss from her mother for her self-denial. Bitter sweet.
Letter from her father
Then there is this story which I recently discovered in my re-read of Madelon Bedell’s The Alcotts: Biography of a Family. On her tenth birthday, she received this letter from her father:
“The good Spirit comes into the Breasts of the meek and loveful to abide long; anger, discontent, impatience, evil appetites, greedy wants, complainings, ill-speakings, idelnesses, heedlessness, rude behavior, and all such as these drive it away, o grieve it so that it leaves the poor misguided soul to live in its own obstainate, perverse, proud, discomfort; which is the very Pain of Sin and is in the Bible called the worm that never dies, the gnawing worm, the sting of Conscience.” (The Alcotts Biography of a Family, pg. 244)
Good grief!
Favortism
Bedell maintains that Bronson and Louisa may have been uncomfortable with the implied intimacy of sharing the same birthday, given their tempestuous relationship. In an effort to downplay the meaning, Bronson made sure every member of the family got a gift on their respective 43rd and 10th birthdays: Abba received a new rocking chair, Anna a silver pencil case and gold pen and inkstand, Lizzie two books. The birthday girl received the same gift as her baby sister Abbie: “little stories,” hers being titled “Flora’s Dial.” (Ibid) So only did every family get a gift on their birthdays, but some members got better gifts. How it must have stung Louisa’s heart to see the obvious favoritism Bronson showed towards her older sister (and where the money came from for such extravagance is a mystery).
Gradual reconciliation
Yet, over the years, Louisa and Bronson came to appreciate one another as one matured and the other mellowed out. Her sacrifice of health during her Civil War nursing stint showed Bronson that his daughter was of extraordinary character. He was proud of her, and that pride continued through her literary success. It is said that he lived off of Louisa’s success in his subsequent conversation tours but could he have not also just been a proud father?
In the end they would share the closest of intimacies, dying within three days of each other, he inviting her to come “up” with him, pointing heavenward.
Happy birthday Bronson and Louisa!
Click to Tweet & Share: Happy birthday! Bronson Alcott at 214, Louisa at 181 http://wp.me/p125Rp-1Bg
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Another beautiful and well written post. xo LMA
How sad that he did not truely appreciate the lively boisterous little girl she must have been – something of sadness and the tragic about their relationship – especially when you realise the growing mutual? respect between them as they both grew older – still feel, however, the did not truely love her as a Father should – unconditionally!
Not only Louisa but all the daughters. Until their adulthood (and until he mellowed), Bronson loved them only as mirror images of himself. Sometime after age 50 (according to Madelon Bedell), Bronson began to change, to lose his sharp edges. Anna and Louisa were in their mid-twenties by that point; Lizzie and Abbie teenagers. Slowly he was beginning to see them as individuals, earthly humans, more than images of himself. Losing Lizzie in particular brought him back down to earth; nearly losing Louisa reinforced that lesson. Narcissism made unconditional love impossible but it did get better as the girls became adults.